You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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