Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
