Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
