I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
