just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
