I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
