aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
