Yo dont text me then not text me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
