I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
