don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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