I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
