oh god the rape fog is back!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
