You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think my vagina is haunted
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
