i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
