Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
