Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
