he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You need a sexual gate keeper
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
