Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Vodka?
Forever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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