WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dicks are not precious.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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