During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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