Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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