so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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