What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
