I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
