I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
