Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
