who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
