maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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