Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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