in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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