if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
