come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude i'm inner monologue high
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
