Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
