my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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