every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
