My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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