Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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