She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
