____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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