so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
