8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
