i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
