the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
