I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
