So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
