the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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