I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
