One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
