you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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