i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dignity is for republicans.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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