My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
