I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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