so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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