It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
